Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm always down for nudity.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
