Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
