Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
