my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You were trust falling into bushes
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
