stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
