I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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