I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
