I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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