dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
