kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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