My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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