my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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