I just pynch a tree in the face
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
we should paint friendship bongs
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
