She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
