she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
