you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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