Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
