rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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