she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
