hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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