I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
