$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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