so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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