i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
