I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
