you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
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