I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
