yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
