someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
