i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We left the knife in your bed.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize