Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
