she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
