He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
