Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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