i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
