you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
