my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize