Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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