3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
40s are totally the cure
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
