i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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