You're my little dorito
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
