So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
