clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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