i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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