The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
