it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
