Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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