in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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