you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
