when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
