where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
