i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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