I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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