man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize