We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
