Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
