At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Randomize