drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
