I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
