Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
