that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
