She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
