end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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