no, he came in my armpit
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
