Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
