hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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