Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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