so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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