I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
