if i can run in heels then i can drive
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
