I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
