Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
